I'm not sure if I'll be able to put into words how unbelievable it felt, after 18 months of waiting, to get a call saying "I have a referral for you."
When we started the process the director of the agency made it clear that we could have up to a three year wait. At the time, we hadn't yet survived the mountain of paperwork involved to actually get on "the list", and it was impossible to know how long three years would feel. The excitement of making the decision and starting the process kept us busy and gave us necessary work required to get our daughter home. Looking back on those countless late nights filling out forms, running to doctor appointments, more forms, getting fingerprinted, more forms, home study visits, more forms, trips to the post office, more forms, trips to a notary, more forms...I can't believe we have so much of it behind us. Then came the waiting period. Once our dossier was sent to Thailand in Jan. of 2012, all we could do was wait. Although we were busy, having a few fundraisers, applying for grants, and just with our lives it seemed almost surreal that we were going to adopt. As the months dragged on and on, as I have written about, my emotions would roller coaster and I would get frustrated with wanting things to happen immediately. Oh the lessons I am learning, lessons on patience, on giving, on generosity, on parenting, on...well let's just say God has been preparing our entire family during this wait.
But now, part of the wait is over. On March 20, 2013 at 1:32 p.m., while I was playing the piano, my phone rang. Let me just say here that if phones could be made to ring by sheer will power alone, mine would have rung a thousand times. During every referral month, even the early ones, I couldn't stand to be away from my phone, "just in case" it would ring. When I finally saw the caller ID, I said out loud, "there it is". I knew it was "our" call. I started shaking and had to sit down, letting the phone ring a few times as if to make sure I wasn't imagining it. When I finally did, the assistant of the Thailand program (who has become my email friend!) simply said, "I'm so excited to tell you, I have a referral for you. She is healthy, 16 months old, and simply adorable." My brilliant response back... "Really?!" She kind of laughed and said, "Really. Would you like me to send you her file?" I, of course, had tears streaming down my face despite the smile that was permanently fixed, as I managed to squeal out a very excited "YES!"
I called Rocky immediately informing him he needed to get home asap, in other words "grow wings and fly buddy". We had agreed to open the file together so we could see her face for the first time together. Those last 10 minutes of waiting for him to get home, knowing seeing my daughter's face was just a click away, were almost the most agonizing of the last 18 months. I did manage to call my mother to share the news.
After what seemed like hours he finally arrived. We hit the button and saw the most darling little girl. It took a second to connect the dots...as we slowly made it through the pictures, without saying a word. I realized we were both crying. "She's beautiful" I said. We were both speechless for a minute, I think we both were in awe that God had chosen us to be the parents of THIS child. A child we had loved and prayed for, a child we so desperately wanted for our own, now didn't seem like a dream anymore. Her face is now the one we look at, the one we see when we close our eyes and pray. I now know and understand, what every one said all along, "the right child at the right time". She is without question the daughter chosen for us and we are her family. What an amazing gift, a blessing to great to put into words.
