Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Waiting Pains

I seem to be having a more difficult time lately with this whole waiting thing.  I'm not sure if it's because we are getting closer (#7 btw a family received an early match, Dec. referrals yet to come), and by being closer I mean we still have no idea if it will be Dec (I can only wish), March (seems plausible) or June (by which time I will be officially crazy, OR if it's the holidays, or what.  I just know I'm all crazy on this roller coaster of emotions again.  A friend, and adoptive parent, told me a few days ago to brace myself cuz the waiting gets really hard once you have your match and see your precious child's face.  While I am sure she is right, she also said that nothing really takes that ache away. The waiting pains I have been calling them.  Here's the deal.  I KNOW it will happen in God's timing, I KNOW it will all click into place and be perfect, I KNOW I simply have no control over this.  I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW.  But what I know and what my heart FEELS well, two different things entirely.  Thank God for family and friends who love me, and know me enough to let me cry every once in a while, and thank thank God for a facebook group of families across the states who have been in my shoes and provide words of wisdom and support only they can.  The other day one of those friends posted a poem for all of us in waiting.  I printed it out and hung it on my fridge.

KISSES IN THE WIND (The Waiting Child's Lullabye)

I hold you in my heart and touch you in my dreams.
You are here each day with me, at least that's how it seems.

I know you wonder where we are... what's taking us so long.
But remember child, I love you so and God will keep you strong.

Now go outside and feel the breeze and let it touch your skin...
Because tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.

May God hold you in His hand until I can be with you.
I promise you, my darling, I'm doing all that I can do.

Very soon, you'll have a family for real, not just pretend.
But for tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.

May God wrap you in His arms and hold you very tight.
And let the angels bring the kisses that I send to you each night.

--- © Pamela Durkota, written for Josh
And so I continue to wait and dream and pray that she is safe and loved, that God is seeing her through the things we can't right now.  How I miss her.  Soon little Belle, soon.