One More Day

Yes we are still waiting.  Waiting, waiting, waiting. We've have been hoping for a call since November telling us we were approved to travel, realistically expecting one in January or the lastest February.  And now it is March.  Getting very close to the one year mark from our referral acceptance.  Many families have had to wait this long or longer.  Why? Because there are situations out of the norm, out of everyones control.  In the Fall it was due to fiscal year budgeting and new directors being elected to the DSDW (Thailand Dept of Social Welfare).  In January political protests began in Bangkok, literally shutting the government down.  The DSDW had to vacate its offices and we learned recently, had to quickly take what files they could, focusing on immediate need cases. Here's just an idea of what things have been like over there.


Craziness right?



This meant a lot of uncertainties and a lot of unknowns, and a lot of emotional roller coasters.  I wanted to remember how I made it through this time.  Other than the obvious busy schedules keeping my mind focused elsewhere, there have been some pretty rough moments, to quote Anne Shirley I felt like I was in "the depths of despair".  But God has once again proven He is with us on this journey, even this not so fun part.

First, when February's first meeting came and went without approval I found myself in prayer.  I realized after ten minutes of pleading and crying, and yes complaining with the Lord that this was getting me nowhere.  Words I had recently taught my Sunday School College class came to mind and I turned to the WORD as my source of prayer instead of my own thoughts.  My Bible fell open to Lamentations.  I literally laughed a loud at the heavens.  Really God? ya don't think I'm doing enough lamenting here on my own.  Why didn't you pick Psalms or Proverbs or something in the New Testament, Lamentations?  Determined I began to read through the prophet Jeremiah's lamentings on everything that had befallen Israel and how the Lord had turned away because of their wickedness.  As I read I couldn't help but think how pitiful it sounded.  Quite like someone else only moments ago.  As I trudged my way through into chapter 3, God spoke directly into my heart.  Nestled among the lamentings Jeremiah writes in verses 21-25, This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope, It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.  They are new every morning: great is Thy faithfulness.  The Lord is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in Him.  The Lord is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh Him.  Even now as I type the words my faith is strengthened.  These verses have become my prayer, each day remembering that His compassion and mercy is new every morning.  I can rest in His goodness as I wait for the work to be completed. 

Secondly, when February's second meeting came and went, again without approval.  (I still had a few moments of despair here I won't pretend.  Okay, I had to hold my tears in check for hours while I finished my work day, people this is just not easy)  The next morning in my devotional God again spoke directly to me. For what are you waiting?  Leave the desires of your heart with God through prayer and live each day in full contentment and confidence that your life -just as it is-is a part of God's perfect plan and His perfect timing.  Enjoy God's peace that passes all understanding...for one more day.  Just as it is. I let go, again, of the allusion of control I thought I had.  Enough that when news of this first meeting of March came with no approval I didn't find myself drowning in the depths, only lightly treading water clinging to the lifesaver that it is all part of His perfect plan.

Lastly, just this week another scripture was added to my bundle of despair fighting tools.  2 Chronicles 16:9 states For the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to show Himself strong on behalf of those whose heart is loyal to Him.  God sees everything I am going through.  His eyes miss nothing and I know today He is working even now on the behalf of this mama and her daughter on the other side of the world.  On March 3 the protests were to begin peacefully disbanding.  Our agency is hopeful we will have better news at the next meeting scheduled for March 19. 

Pray for us.  Pray for our family.  Pray that if man's devices are keeping us from the next step that His strength will break down that wall.  Pray for our patience and emotions.  Pray we don't miss a single moment of contentment in enjoying life Just as it is...for one more day.















Bee Happy

The time to send another care package came at the end of December.  I actually took a little extra time.  It's getting a bit harder to send them. This season of waiting feels endless, and I'm ready to dress her myself, run a comb through her hair, and kiss her little nose.  Every day I find strength in the waiting, either in prayer or scripture, and email or word from a friend.  And each day that goes by I tell myself we won't have to wait THAT day over again.  

Political protests in Thailand have slowed communications at this point.  We are now not anticipating travel before April.  So this may not be the last care package sent, we might have one more to go.  I know it does no good to worry, I realize as God told Sarah it will happen at the appointed time, and therefore I've been saying to myself, "Don't worry bout a thing, you know every little thing is gonna be alright."  

Can't wait to see our girl wearing all these precious little girly things.  I held this shirt up and smothered it with a little love and prayer.  Praying for Isabel too, "don't worry about a thing, you know every little thing is gonna be alright!"

What Wall?

And the wall came tumbling down.

You know the huge wall of expenses staring at us 28 months ago.

I can't believe I am writing these words, and I'm absolutely giddy with the joy of it!  We are 100% FULLY funded for our trip to Thailand....let me type that again...We are 100% FULLY funded for our trip to Thailand.

Over the weekend Village to Village (back in 2012 we placed our family profile on their website where tax deductible donations could be made to them for us, and they then pay expenses on our behalf  i.e. our agency, travel agency, etc.--money does not come directly to us.  When we received our referral fee expenses we had been blessed with monies, which they sent into Holt.  I had not looked at our profile since then)  We received a message stating they believed the remainder of the expense money we needed had probably been taken care of...and that we should take a look at our profile to see what happened.  I can't tell you what a shock it was to open it and see that an additional $4000 had been donated, anonymously (whoever you are out there we pray God will pour His blessings out on you until your cup runneth over), to our family.  WOW.  I mean WOW.  God just knows how to blow us away. We will now have the funds to take care of the small loan we took out to cover earlier expenses. And more importantly, this means we have the monies we need to travel, and take the boys (a secret they are still not in on cause we weren't sure about affording the plane tickets) with No questions and No worries.  After months of saving, months of fundraisers, months of paperwork it is COMPLETED!

Not only did God take care of the wall, he got rid of it.  What a testament to the fact that when something is right, and God calls you to it, do not be afraid, He will provide.  What a blessing, no blessings, we would have missed out on if we would have let that wall intimidate us.  To Him be all glory and honor, and praise.

Now...Let's go to Thailand. We are coming Isabel.

Isabel, Birthday Letter Age 2

On November 30, 2013, halfway around the world you turned two years old.  On that day we celebrated that you were happy, healthy, and loved.  Loved by people in Thailand and loved by people in the United States.  We haven't met you yet so it's difficult to write all the characteristics of who you are at this age.  In the updates we know you are a happy, talkative, two year old.  We are so anxious to get to know you better, but know this today you were celebrated and loved.  Can't wait for all the birthdays to come.

Love,
Mom

We sent balloons to Thailand with love.
Just as I was getting all teary eyed, one of them got stuck in a tree just past the house.  Your daddy said,"well that one's not making it to Thailand."  We all started grinning and laughing a little.  It was the perfect moment.  A little sad, a little silly, and a little wishful.  Next year we will celebrate together with more balloons, laughter, and silliness, oh and maybe a cake too.

An Early Christmas Gift

December has fallen upon us.  Since Halloween we have been ultra busy, with no time in this girl's life to even think about blogging.  However, it is December and along with all the Christmas festivities it also happens to be an update month.  We were told not to expect it till mid month, but the excitement started yesterday as other adoptive families we are connected with revealed the reports had started to trickle in!  Every notification beep my phone made today caused me to jump, until at last Holt's email popped up.  What a fabulous Christmas present...which could only be topped by news that we have long awaited first approval (NO...we are still waiting, I hold my breath for a few days after the twice a month meetings.  Holt still estimates we will not receive approval until early next year.)  Today, I'm not letting anything take away the joy of seeing this beautiful face.

She is darling, no?  Her beautiful pouty lips, and big brown eyes.  The update held all the important stuff, how much she is growing or should I say not growing!  She is still no bigger than a peanut.  At the check up in October she weighed all of 23 lbs and measured at 2 feet 7 in tall.  According to US percentage charts she is in the ninth percentile for weight and third for height.  It also sounds like somebody is a picky eater, and because she has a new baby foster sister in the house wants a bottle just like the little one!  I'm glad there is a new foster sister.  I hope that eases the transition for her foster mother.  As I look at this picture of them together, this woman who has loved and cared for a total of 9 foster children and does her best to prepare them for their adoptive families, I feel a profound sense of obligation that I have no idea how to repay.  We will take the family gifts when we go, but what gift says the thank you I have in my heart to this woman who is being a mother to my child until I can be...

The reports states she is very attached to her foster mother, and very silent and wary of people she does not know.  In just a few short months we will be "those" people.  My heart hurts that taking her away from all she knows and loves is a necessary part of this process of her coming to our family.  I am already praying for wisdom, extra doses of patience, and that somehow she feels secure with us.  

She looks like she is a little mischievous here, so cute.  I can't wait to get a huge bow on that girl!

Ian: Birthday Letter at Age 9

To my baby boy (sorry but you are still mommas baby boy;)

On September 19, you turned nine years old.  Yes, I am a month late writing your birthday letter too, I had to keep things fair. Nine years ago you made your entrance, very quickly and 2 weeks early at that, as if you were impatient to meet us.  You are the baby, currently and have made it very clear that you are ready to hand that title off to your little sister.

Here is just a little of you at Nine:

You love sports. Any kind.  But you are never without a baseball or football in your hands.  Even just sitting you subconsciously are throwing one ball or the other in the air, over and over.  Nothing has been broken yet, and I have given up on "No balls in the house", I found myself repeating it every five minutes.  So now the rule is "no throwing the ball in the house".  I'm anxiously waiting to see what is going to get broken first...

You are always on the go.  Unless you are sleeping you are moving.  Although I love this about you and your dad, sometimes it just wears me out.

You collect baseball and football cards.

School is not your favorite, but it's ok because of P.E. And you pick out your clothes every night.  This is surprisingly important to you.  You are very adamant about what looks good together.  but ironically would wear nothing but shorts (as in no shirt, no socks, no shoes) if I let you, even if it was 10 degrees outside.

You do still want to be babied in the morning.  (sorry it's true)  You want to climb in my lap and fall back asleep, and if we don't have time you are a bit of a bear!

We love you to the moon and back.  We hope we have the energy to keep up with you as you explore life with such passion.

 Birthday Wake Up Rolls

Birthday Party Fun with friends

Post Office Blues

This. Is. Really. Hard.

I mailed Isabel's care package #3.  I pulled into the post office parking lot, reached over and grabbed the little package and wham, tears just started to poor.  Yep, sitting in the parking lot, I held the package close to my chest, and just cried.  Blah.  I didn't mean to cry, and where the emotions came from is completely beyond me.  It took me a good five minutes to collect myself enough to walk in the doors, looking like a hot mess at that.  Those who have been through this process can verify how crazy and unexpected some of these emotions are.  I find it difficult to put into words.  We desperately love this child, worlds away...who doesn't even know us.  But we love her.  

Climbing back into my car, I gripped the steering wheel and prayed for peace.  Words from the book of Jeremiah flooded my mind, "Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you."  God gently whispered into my soul, I loved you before you knew ME.  The love you hold for this child that I have placed in your heart, is just a small measure of the love I have for her, and of the love I have for you.  How does one understand the love of God?  We can't.  It's impossible because our emotions rise and fall, based on circumstance and the essence of our humanity.  God's love is constant.  It is the same, Yesterday, Today, and Forever.  He loved us when we didn't know him, at the times when we kicked and screamed with rage against him, at the times when we doubted and turned away, at the times we couldn't understand how the experiences we were going through would make us stronger in the end.  He must ache sometimes.  Ache the way I do to hold my child, only even more than I can fathom.  Ache when we reject His love.  Peace did settle over my heart, as I prayed, that God would help us to be a mirror of that love.  For Isabel surely, when she perhaps rejects us at first because she can't possibly know or understand our love, but also for those we encounter from day to day.  Those who don't yet know the love of my Jesus, who already loves them and patiently waits with arms open wide for them to come into the shelter He has built for them.

God is teaching us so many things along this journey.  But I still ache.  I still love her with the exact same fierce passion I feel when I look into the eyes of my sons.  I so long to be near her, perhaps explaining why I burst into tears while staring at the cold red brick of the Post Office.  It's just too much at times.

This. Is. Really. Hard.

Care Package #3: For our little princess:  I made an album with our pictures and hers throughout, maybe seeing us all together will help things click.  I put a few shiny bracelets and a pink dress inside a little back pack from Brave (my fave Princess flick!) Yes it all fit flat in the ziploc...I just forgot to take a pic of it!