Mom's Day

   Mom's Day, as my boy's call it, has been a wonderful day filled with family.  I woke this morning to my husband whispering, "Happy Mother's Day" in my ear.  My heart filled to overflowing at how much I love him, and how blessed I am to have his love and support.  Pitter patters of feet signaled my youngest was awake and came straight into my arms for his morning cuddles, as he sleepily wished me a happy Mom's Day.  My Peyton, hugged me more times than I can count today, and told me over and over, "Love you, Mom".  I wish I could bottle up their hugs to have with me always, truly the best gift of the day was their hugs and kisses. 
   We spent lunch and dinner with our Mom's and sibilings, nephew's/nieces and Dad's, and all the craziness that comes with.  I am reminded again how very much like my own mom I have become, and how much I love her.  She's pretty amazing. 
   My boys are the joy of my world...I don't ever get tired of being their mom, they are mine! and how I love them...

   I have a very full heart tonight, having tucked the boys into bed and settled down for the evening, my thoughts go to my little girl half way around the world.  I read a blog of a friend who met her little girl for the first time today.  She also met the foster mom and family who has loved and cared for her these first few years of her life.  I believe somewhere someone is loving and caring for our Cherish and I am so thankful for that foster mom.  I'm sending our little girl hugs and kisses in my prayers as I pray God's protection over all three of my children and that God will help me to be the Mom they all need.

Coffee Anyone??

Coffee...Just the word makes my mouth water.  One of my first acts every morning, eyes barely open, is to set a pot brewing in hopes that it will somehow help me to jumpstart the day.  My favorites are Starbucks and Gevalia, but we will be trying a new kind around the Strand household.  I registered today for a fundraiser with JustLove Coffee, a coffee company out of Murfreesboro, TN.  Their company developed a fundraising program after the founder and his wife went through the adoption process and felt the frustration, with other families, on the lack of a good fundraising model. For every item, including over twenty different coffees, purchased at our "store" we recieve a good portion of the proceeds.  If you are in need of coffee, or mugs, or scoops, you can visit our store at www.justlovecoffee.com/coffee4cherish We shall see if it ranks up there with Starbucks and Gevalia, though with it helping bring our girl home it might just outrank them!

Cherry's Fashion

I did it.  I broke down.  I bought clothes for her today.  I have been staying so strong and telling myself to deposit money into our adoption fund any time I'm tempted to buy something that makes me think, "Oh that would be so cute for Cherish."  Word of Wisdom...Do not walk through the children's section at Target when Easter Clearance is happening.  Outfit #1 Pink, tulle, sundress.  I showed Rocky and he got this silly smile on his face and said, "Who's that for?"  His grin got even bigger when I said, "It's for your daughter!"  Outfit #2 Navy sweater trimmed with white polka dots and wooden buttons with faux denim leggings topped with red polka dot ruffle and a little white sailboat anchor on the side...I mean really soooooo cute.  (Then I bought athletic shirts that seem to make up the boys current wardrobe, and they want to wear every day, these shirts were of course minus any ruffles or polka dots!)   I also bought size 2T hoping they will not be too small and maybe she can grow into them if she is younger than we expect.  So, now back on the staight and narrow, my spending moratorium must resume as we work to bring our girl home...in style at any rate!

Moving on Up...Slightly





Well we hoped to move up at least 4 spots from 21 to 17 but final word from our agency this week puts us at number 19 on the list.  I keep telling myself it is better than 21.  We also were told that it extends our estimated wait time for referral from 0-9 months to 0-12 months.  I admitted to my social worker that I could not help being disappointed about this and she reminded me how the process really works.  Just because we are 19 on the list does not mean we will necassarily be waiting for 19 placements ahead of us.  As the referrals come in they are matched according to gender, age, and medical conditions that each family has specified with their applications.  If other families on the list and our profiles are similar than the smallest number up on the list usually get priority for the referral.  Another variable is that we do not know what size and make up the referral groups will be each quarter.  I told my social worker we were praying for large referral groups:)  She said surprises do sometimes happen!!!  At any rate as everyone is so kind to remind me (lol), it will happen in God's timing and when it is supposed to.  In the meantime I'm biting my nails and trying not to become exasperated as I'm stretched to become a more patient person.  It drives me crazy that my husband is so matter of fact and laid back about it all, I mean I know it's good, it keeps me in perspective, but geez typically he's the one who wants everything done yesterday!!!
On another note, the referral group in March placed alot of children on the Waiting Child List due to ages and medical conditions that families on the waiting list are, for various reasons, unable to accept.  It breaks my heart in so many ways.  I hope and pray these children find forever families soon who are equipped to handle their emotional and medical conditions.  If you are interested in learning more about the Waiting Child Program you can visit our agency at holtinternational.org.

Out of the Mouth of Babes

I have been trying so hard to understand and get a grip on my emotions of late.  Life is very busy for us.  We are so blessed with our two sons, and at ages 11 and 7 there is never a dull moment.  Currently it is little league wrestling season, our oldest couldn't participate because of his broken arm much to his disappointment, but we have still been very busy with practices and duals with Ian.  I literally have to sit on my hands to keep from biting my fingernails and waving around like crazy every time I watch a match.  They are such boys and love it so much, me I really think we should focus on golf and I have a feeling I have a lot of nervous moments in store.  We are also very involved and busy at our church.  I assist with the Children's Ministry, together we serve as Youth Ministers, my husband is our Praise and Worship leader, and I sing on the Praise and Worship Team.  Combine all that with work and life in general, you get the picture, we are very busy.

 In the middle of all the busyness and fun-filled moments there is still this constant ache around my heart.  It seems I'm crying every time I turn around.  I cried on the way home from our sale on Saturday, from joy at being so blessed, and feeling so overwhelmed at how much we still need.  I cried for my new friends I've met in a Thailand Adoptive Families group, over their joys and frustrations that match mine.  I cried when I made a Thai dish for our supper and realized how hard it will be for her at first with everything being so different, including the most basic things like food.  The crying seemed incessant, so much so that I thought, girl get a grip! 

On Sunday I was reading an adoptive mother's blog about the emotional roller coaster of adoption and how you are constantly two things at once:  Happy/Sad, Frustrated/Patient, Angry/Calm...it was me in a nutshell but I still couldn't put a finger on the ache around my heart.  Today, my rambunctious but sensitive 7 year old asked, "Mom, when are we bringing Cherish home?"  I said, for the hundredth time, "Probably not for a while."  "Man," he sighed, " I miss her."  and off he went.  It hit me so hard.  That is the ache.  I miss my daughter.  She has already been born to our hearts and our world and I miss her.  I understand waiting is all part of the process, but understanding does not lessen the ache. I miss getting to experience her first smile and first little laugh.  I miss feeling her little hand reach up to stroke my face as I rock her.  I miss not being able to give her eskimo kisses, or duba do's as my boys have renamed them, whispering the nonsense words under their breath as their noses rub mine. I miss sharing her wonder at new things, and seeing her eyes light up in excitement.  I just miss her. 

I have been reading several blogs of families who have brought their children home, or are currently in the process like us, and I glean a little strength knowing they feel exactly as I have and have survived.  One wrote that when you finally meet your child the wait is washed away.  I'm holding onto that, as I sit once again with tears streaming down my face.  I can't help but smile through them, earlier Ian asked AGAIN "when are we bringing baby sister home?"  Again I said, "It will be a while, we have to wait."  Another sigh, "geez," he said rolling his eyes dramatically, "are we going to have to wait like 45 days or something?"  And I am reminded how time feels to children, and one day it will be like she has always been with us and the missing will be over.

Yard Sale Success!

Whew!  What an amazingly long last couple of days.  We have been working over the last several weeks to organize an adoption benefit yard sale.  We recieved many donations from friends and family, and added a ton of our own stuff, to put in the sale.  Instead of prices we simply asked for a donation towards our adoption.(we did have minimum donation requests on a few larger items)  We opened the doors at seven this morning and, wow, we stayed busy until closing at 2, raising over our $1000 goal to put in our adoption piggy bank!!!  We were so blessed by the generosity of our family, friends, and community we just want to shout a HUGE thank you!  It feels so good to see that figure for our referral fee start to decrease.  We talked with so many today about our adoption and it gave us a chance to really look at how far we have come.  It is actually happening, we are adopting a little girl from Thailand, and will be bringing her home to her forever family.  Thanks again to everyone who helped bring us one step closer to making it possible.

March Happenings

March is here!! For us this means we should move up on the waiting list as other families will be blessed with finding out their matches this month.  One step closer:) Holt receives referrals of children to match from Thailand once per quarter, so the next matches will take place in June.  We are looking towards the expenses once again and will be having an Adoption Benefit Yard Sale next weekend.  We have decided to make everything (except large items) a donation only instead of pricing everything.  Other families in the adoption process have had success with this.  We also will have our homestudy update next week, since we moved the social worker has to come view our new home, and then we can file with immigration.  Yay, more paper work!! But one step closer.  Currently, I have applied for three grants, please pray with us that the families who need those monies most to achieve their adoptions are granted them. 

On a funny note, last night as the boys were doing their chore of emptying the dishwasher Ian said, "Mom when we get our baby sister will she have to help with the diswasher too?"  Me, "When she's big enough,"  Ian, "Ah man" :)