What Wall?

And the wall came tumbling down.

You know the huge wall of expenses staring at us 28 months ago.

I can't believe I am writing these words, and I'm absolutely giddy with the joy of it!  We are 100% FULLY funded for our trip to Thailand....let me type that again...We are 100% FULLY funded for our trip to Thailand.

Over the weekend Village to Village (back in 2012 we placed our family profile on their website where tax deductible donations could be made to them for us, and they then pay expenses on our behalf  i.e. our agency, travel agency, etc.--money does not come directly to us.  When we received our referral fee expenses we had been blessed with monies, which they sent into Holt.  I had not looked at our profile since then)  We received a message stating they believed the remainder of the expense money we needed had probably been taken care of...and that we should take a look at our profile to see what happened.  I can't tell you what a shock it was to open it and see that an additional $4000 had been donated, anonymously (whoever you are out there we pray God will pour His blessings out on you until your cup runneth over), to our family.  WOW.  I mean WOW.  God just knows how to blow us away. We will now have the funds to take care of the small loan we took out to cover earlier expenses. And more importantly, this means we have the monies we need to travel, and take the boys (a secret they are still not in on cause we weren't sure about affording the plane tickets) with No questions and No worries.  After months of saving, months of fundraisers, months of paperwork it is COMPLETED!

Not only did God take care of the wall, he got rid of it.  What a testament to the fact that when something is right, and God calls you to it, do not be afraid, He will provide.  What a blessing, no blessings, we would have missed out on if we would have let that wall intimidate us.  To Him be all glory and honor, and praise.

Now...Let's go to Thailand. We are coming Isabel.

Isabel, Birthday Letter Age 2

On November 30, 2013, halfway around the world you turned two years old.  On that day we celebrated that you were happy, healthy, and loved.  Loved by people in Thailand and loved by people in the United States.  We haven't met you yet so it's difficult to write all the characteristics of who you are at this age.  In the updates we know you are a happy, talkative, two year old.  We are so anxious to get to know you better, but know this today you were celebrated and loved.  Can't wait for all the birthdays to come.

Love,
Mom

We sent balloons to Thailand with love.
Just as I was getting all teary eyed, one of them got stuck in a tree just past the house.  Your daddy said,"well that one's not making it to Thailand."  We all started grinning and laughing a little.  It was the perfect moment.  A little sad, a little silly, and a little wishful.  Next year we will celebrate together with more balloons, laughter, and silliness, oh and maybe a cake too.

An Early Christmas Gift

December has fallen upon us.  Since Halloween we have been ultra busy, with no time in this girl's life to even think about blogging.  However, it is December and along with all the Christmas festivities it also happens to be an update month.  We were told not to expect it till mid month, but the excitement started yesterday as other adoptive families we are connected with revealed the reports had started to trickle in!  Every notification beep my phone made today caused me to jump, until at last Holt's email popped up.  What a fabulous Christmas present...which could only be topped by news that we have long awaited first approval (NO...we are still waiting, I hold my breath for a few days after the twice a month meetings.  Holt still estimates we will not receive approval until early next year.)  Today, I'm not letting anything take away the joy of seeing this beautiful face.

She is darling, no?  Her beautiful pouty lips, and big brown eyes.  The update held all the important stuff, how much she is growing or should I say not growing!  She is still no bigger than a peanut.  At the check up in October she weighed all of 23 lbs and measured at 2 feet 7 in tall.  According to US percentage charts she is in the ninth percentile for weight and third for height.  It also sounds like somebody is a picky eater, and because she has a new baby foster sister in the house wants a bottle just like the little one!  I'm glad there is a new foster sister.  I hope that eases the transition for her foster mother.  As I look at this picture of them together, this woman who has loved and cared for a total of 9 foster children and does her best to prepare them for their adoptive families, I feel a profound sense of obligation that I have no idea how to repay.  We will take the family gifts when we go, but what gift says the thank you I have in my heart to this woman who is being a mother to my child until I can be...

The reports states she is very attached to her foster mother, and very silent and wary of people she does not know.  In just a few short months we will be "those" people.  My heart hurts that taking her away from all she knows and loves is a necessary part of this process of her coming to our family.  I am already praying for wisdom, extra doses of patience, and that somehow she feels secure with us.  

She looks like she is a little mischievous here, so cute.  I can't wait to get a huge bow on that girl!

Ian: Birthday Letter at Age 9

To my baby boy (sorry but you are still mommas baby boy;)

On September 19, you turned nine years old.  Yes, I am a month late writing your birthday letter too, I had to keep things fair. Nine years ago you made your entrance, very quickly and 2 weeks early at that, as if you were impatient to meet us.  You are the baby, currently and have made it very clear that you are ready to hand that title off to your little sister.

Here is just a little of you at Nine:

You love sports. Any kind.  But you are never without a baseball or football in your hands.  Even just sitting you subconsciously are throwing one ball or the other in the air, over and over.  Nothing has been broken yet, and I have given up on "No balls in the house", I found myself repeating it every five minutes.  So now the rule is "no throwing the ball in the house".  I'm anxiously waiting to see what is going to get broken first...

You are always on the go.  Unless you are sleeping you are moving.  Although I love this about you and your dad, sometimes it just wears me out.

You collect baseball and football cards.

School is not your favorite, but it's ok because of P.E. And you pick out your clothes every night.  This is surprisingly important to you.  You are very adamant about what looks good together.  but ironically would wear nothing but shorts (as in no shirt, no socks, no shoes) if I let you, even if it was 10 degrees outside.

You do still want to be babied in the morning.  (sorry it's true)  You want to climb in my lap and fall back asleep, and if we don't have time you are a bit of a bear!

We love you to the moon and back.  We hope we have the energy to keep up with you as you explore life with such passion.

 Birthday Wake Up Rolls

Birthday Party Fun with friends

Post Office Blues

This. Is. Really. Hard.

I mailed Isabel's care package #3.  I pulled into the post office parking lot, reached over and grabbed the little package and wham, tears just started to poor.  Yep, sitting in the parking lot, I held the package close to my chest, and just cried.  Blah.  I didn't mean to cry, and where the emotions came from is completely beyond me.  It took me a good five minutes to collect myself enough to walk in the doors, looking like a hot mess at that.  Those who have been through this process can verify how crazy and unexpected some of these emotions are.  I find it difficult to put into words.  We desperately love this child, worlds away...who doesn't even know us.  But we love her.  

Climbing back into my car, I gripped the steering wheel and prayed for peace.  Words from the book of Jeremiah flooded my mind, "Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you."  God gently whispered into my soul, I loved you before you knew ME.  The love you hold for this child that I have placed in your heart, is just a small measure of the love I have for her, and of the love I have for you.  How does one understand the love of God?  We can't.  It's impossible because our emotions rise and fall, based on circumstance and the essence of our humanity.  God's love is constant.  It is the same, Yesterday, Today, and Forever.  He loved us when we didn't know him, at the times when we kicked and screamed with rage against him, at the times when we doubted and turned away, at the times we couldn't understand how the experiences we were going through would make us stronger in the end.  He must ache sometimes.  Ache the way I do to hold my child, only even more than I can fathom.  Ache when we reject His love.  Peace did settle over my heart, as I prayed, that God would help us to be a mirror of that love.  For Isabel surely, when she perhaps rejects us at first because she can't possibly know or understand our love, but also for those we encounter from day to day.  Those who don't yet know the love of my Jesus, who already loves them and patiently waits with arms open wide for them to come into the shelter He has built for them.

God is teaching us so many things along this journey.  But I still ache.  I still love her with the exact same fierce passion I feel when I look into the eyes of my sons.  I so long to be near her, perhaps explaining why I burst into tears while staring at the cold red brick of the Post Office.  It's just too much at times.

This. Is. Really. Hard.

Care Package #3: For our little princess:  I made an album with our pictures and hers throughout, maybe seeing us all together will help things click.  I put a few shiny bracelets and a pink dress inside a little back pack from Brave (my fave Princess flick!) Yes it all fit flat in the ziploc...I just forgot to take a pic of it!  

Across the Ocean

We received our update on little sister...after days of obsessively checking my email!  Opening those emails is like Christmas, they are the one link we have to our little girl.  We of course looked at the pictures first so here they are.  These pics were taken in June at 18 months old.

 

Hoping we are just posing on this and not going for a ride!

Yes this look will get me anything I want

Look at all those teeth

pouty lips!

So sweet, don't you just love the shoes!

Love this girl

Our beautiful daughter.

My heart leapt a little when I saw she was wearing the little dress we sent in the first care package. Isn't she an absolute doll, the only thing missing is a huge bow which of course would not fit flat in a gallon ziploc bag! Then I cried.  Seriously, look how big she is getting.  She is growing up in these pictures and it makes me acutely aware of how much we are missing.  In the next six months if everything goes smoothly (crossing our fingers, toes, eyes as well as saying a prayer or a 100), we will bring her home.  She now has our pictures too.  I am praying God is preparing her little heart and that somehow she is forming a bond with the people smiling back at her in that little pink album.  

Her update reports she is a talkative child.  Haha!  I mean is anyone surprised?  She is my daughter, no?  We also learned little miss still does not like to drink out of a cup thank you, and insists on wearing a little pearl necklace everyday.  She loves to wear dresses:) and take a walk with her foster family during which she stops to talk to everyone she meets along the way.  After measuring long at birth and fairly tall for a one year old she has slowed down and now isn't much more than a minute gaining only 1 pound, weighing a whopping 22.5 pounds and standing at 2 feet 6 1/2 inches.  She ranks in the 10-25% for her age in weight and height.  

Our agency recently estimated we should get first approval between Nov and Jan, and travel between Jan and March depending on first approval.  My prayer was to have her home by her birthday in November, which at this point would be a miracle.  I'm a believer though, God has already worked numerous miracles to get us where we are.  Therefore, if He says the time is right it Will happen.  So we wait, we pray, and we blow kisses in the wind to our little girl across the ocean.

  

Running for Isabel

In May we were so blessed to be sponsored by a local chapter of Room for One More.  The fundraiser Running for One More, and we are SO thankful for the team of people who coordinated the 5K/10K walk/run.  We helped get sponsors and people to sign up for the race, and a portion of the funds will come back to us as a grant.  Two other families were being sponsored as well, and we had the chance to meet with them and others involved in advocating for adoption. 

I confess, I am not much of a runner.  Okay, truth, I HATE to run.  Aerobics, Pilates, Body Pump, bring it: run...ugh.  So, me running a 5K marks a significant milestone in my life.  With so many friends and family members coming to run and walk to support us, I was determined to finish as well as I could.   Obviously I survived (in 36 min no less, not bad for this anti-runner), but emotions I hadn't prepared for hit me when I crossed the finish line. Tears started streaming down my face, and my worried husband (who finished a good 10 minutes before) kept saying, "Are you okay, you need to walk it off".  For several minutes I was too overcome, or maybe just too out of breath, to respond to him.  I finally managed to pant out, "I'm just being emotional!"  He just grinned and pulled me into a (very sweaty) hug. Fact: I would gladly run 5K every day to bring our girl home.

Our team did great! Ian placed first in his age division, and 10th overall finishing in 25 minutes.  Peyton placed 2nd in his age division and 18th overall finishing in 27 min! Way to go Big Brothers!  Uncle Travis and Uncle Dakota both medaled as well, and our friend (a.k.a. Travis' girlfriend;) also brought home the gold!  My friend Cindy ran the 10 K (whew) and placed first in her age division.

A group of adoptive moms from around the world.

 

Our support from our family was so special.

Starting out

Emy, a fellow therapist and friend ran with me the whole race and kept me going!

Cindy Drewett, long time friend, kicked butt in the 10 K

Peyton came to run with us for the final lap!

                                      The devoted walkers                  Big Brothers, so proud

 

 It was such a joyful moment, albeit an emotional one crossing the finish line.  (On a side note how does he look so good after doing all that running?)

Many others bought T-shirts to help support us.  The grant will be sent to Holt and I can't wait to decrease those numbers even more over there on the side column.  We are getting soooo close, both financially and in actuality of travel.  Soooo close it's a little nerve racking to say the least. 

We are coming baby girl, we are coming!