I'm the Mom of a Teenager

Peyton's Birthday Letter At 13

Whoa!  When did it happen?  It is so difficult to fathom that my baby boy, my first born is thirteen years old.
I am so proud of you son.  You are growing so tall, taller than me, and your voice is deepening into maturity. And we are starting to have real conversations, I mean the serious ones like dreams and goals, priorities and plans.  Here are just a few things about you at thirteen, I want to always remember.

You still love to read.  We are starting to read some of the same books, and it connects us in a way that I cherish.

You like hot tea.  You prefer black, but since its caffienated you drink more herbal teas, your fave is Apple Spice (because yes too much caffeine is not a good thing!)

You can't wait to be old enough to go on a Missions trip.  Fifteen is the magic number and you are counting down the years. I could not be prouder that this is on your list of things you want to do.

You currently see robotics or computer engineering in your future, and talk about working for NASA like its a sure thing.  Your grades reflect your intelligence, but you really don't study too hard...your brain is still absorping info like a sponge with no sign of running out of space.

You like cool cars, and these are convos you have with your daddy...I can't even begin to try to write which ones you really like.  Very limited knowledge in your mother!

You have become a fish.  You are on a swim team, Cape County Castaways and are breaking your personal records every meet.

You also have discovered pole vaulting.  You tried track team this year and pole vaulting has become your thing.  I'm not nervous about this at all.

Your smile melts my heart, and I still see my little boy hidden in those eyes.  I know we have some craziness ahead of us, but don't ever question or forget how much I love you.  Dad too!

Love,
Mom


                                       You had a swim party with a lot of your buddies to celebrate!

                            
                                

Let's Party

I had the most fun, most beautiful, most fabulous little girl shower ever.  I can't even tell you how much fun it was to laugh and eat and laugh with all my friends and family in celebration for Isabel's soon home coming.  They say a picture says a thousand words, so I'm just going to post a ton of them because there is no way I can express how amazing my friends and family are.

   

And then I got to go home and get Isabel's room ready, really ready for her to come home.

                                 

Wherever you are, my love will find you.

Really I need to write multiple posts, and have been meaning to but at this point...it ain't happenin'.  So here's what's up in a nutshell.  Things are moving as slow as molasses, but after not moving at all we will take it.  Two families have received first approval last month, which is huge after months of nothing.  We are hopeful we will receive our approval next month which would allow us to travel by August, hopefully.  At this point though things are so mixed up and not going by any of the norms that we just don't know. Most of the time I'm at peace and we have been so screaming busy that I don't have time to think.  Until I get an update, another update, with pictures showing us how much she is growing up without us. (Insert tears, anger, frustration, and bittersweet joy)  She is still itty bitty, only weighing 24 lbs and is 2 feet 8 in. tall (5th percentile for weight and height.)  Our report indicated that the social worker is working on preparing her for separation from her foster family, and that her foster mother lets her look at our pictures every day and talks to her about her family (insert more tears).  I hate that it is taking so long, I hate seeing her one year older from the time we were blessed to know we would be her parents, it just plain stinks.  My faith is stretching and I'm clinging to promises, but stretching is painful and clinging is hard work.  I just want her to know that if it was in our power we would have been on a plane a year ago.  Goodness she is so beautiful.

We also sent another care package.  In her hands in one of the photos she is holding one of the picture albums we sent her.  I so hope these care packages are connecting her to us, it's all we can do.  Tears, prayer, and love are squeezed into every ziploc.  In this one we sent the book, Wherever you are, my love will find you, with a Thai translation. And we mean it, every word.  Wherever and however long it takes our love will find you and bring you home.

One More Day

Yes we are still waiting.  Waiting, waiting, waiting. We've have been hoping for a call since November telling us we were approved to travel, realistically expecting one in January or the lastest February.  And now it is March.  Getting very close to the one year mark from our referral acceptance.  Many families have had to wait this long or longer.  Why? Because there are situations out of the norm, out of everyones control.  In the Fall it was due to fiscal year budgeting and new directors being elected to the DSDW (Thailand Dept of Social Welfare).  In January political protests began in Bangkok, literally shutting the government down.  The DSDW had to vacate its offices and we learned recently, had to quickly take what files they could, focusing on immediate need cases. Here's just an idea of what things have been like over there.


Craziness right?



This meant a lot of uncertainties and a lot of unknowns, and a lot of emotional roller coasters.  I wanted to remember how I made it through this time.  Other than the obvious busy schedules keeping my mind focused elsewhere, there have been some pretty rough moments, to quote Anne Shirley I felt like I was in "the depths of despair".  But God has once again proven He is with us on this journey, even this not so fun part.

First, when February's first meeting came and went without approval I found myself in prayer.  I realized after ten minutes of pleading and crying, and yes complaining with the Lord that this was getting me nowhere.  Words I had recently taught my Sunday School College class came to mind and I turned to the WORD as my source of prayer instead of my own thoughts.  My Bible fell open to Lamentations.  I literally laughed a loud at the heavens.  Really God? ya don't think I'm doing enough lamenting here on my own.  Why didn't you pick Psalms or Proverbs or something in the New Testament, Lamentations?  Determined I began to read through the prophet Jeremiah's lamentings on everything that had befallen Israel and how the Lord had turned away because of their wickedness.  As I read I couldn't help but think how pitiful it sounded.  Quite like someone else only moments ago.  As I trudged my way through into chapter 3, God spoke directly into my heart.  Nestled among the lamentings Jeremiah writes in verses 21-25, This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope, It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.  They are new every morning: great is Thy faithfulness.  The Lord is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in Him.  The Lord is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh Him.  Even now as I type the words my faith is strengthened.  These verses have become my prayer, each day remembering that His compassion and mercy is new every morning.  I can rest in His goodness as I wait for the work to be completed. 

Secondly, when February's second meeting came and went, again without approval.  (I still had a few moments of despair here I won't pretend.  Okay, I had to hold my tears in check for hours while I finished my work day, people this is just not easy)  The next morning in my devotional God again spoke directly to me. For what are you waiting?  Leave the desires of your heart with God through prayer and live each day in full contentment and confidence that your life -just as it is-is a part of God's perfect plan and His perfect timing.  Enjoy God's peace that passes all understanding...for one more day.  Just as it is. I let go, again, of the allusion of control I thought I had.  Enough that when news of this first meeting of March came with no approval I didn't find myself drowning in the depths, only lightly treading water clinging to the lifesaver that it is all part of His perfect plan.

Lastly, just this week another scripture was added to my bundle of despair fighting tools.  2 Chronicles 16:9 states For the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to show Himself strong on behalf of those whose heart is loyal to Him.  God sees everything I am going through.  His eyes miss nothing and I know today He is working even now on the behalf of this mama and her daughter on the other side of the world.  On March 3 the protests were to begin peacefully disbanding.  Our agency is hopeful we will have better news at the next meeting scheduled for March 19. 

Pray for us.  Pray for our family.  Pray that if man's devices are keeping us from the next step that His strength will break down that wall.  Pray for our patience and emotions.  Pray we don't miss a single moment of contentment in enjoying life Just as it is...for one more day.















Bee Happy

The time to send another care package came at the end of December.  I actually took a little extra time.  It's getting a bit harder to send them. This season of waiting feels endless, and I'm ready to dress her myself, run a comb through her hair, and kiss her little nose.  Every day I find strength in the waiting, either in prayer or scripture, and email or word from a friend.  And each day that goes by I tell myself we won't have to wait THAT day over again.  

Political protests in Thailand have slowed communications at this point.  We are now not anticipating travel before April.  So this may not be the last care package sent, we might have one more to go.  I know it does no good to worry, I realize as God told Sarah it will happen at the appointed time, and therefore I've been saying to myself, "Don't worry bout a thing, you know every little thing is gonna be alright."  

Can't wait to see our girl wearing all these precious little girly things.  I held this shirt up and smothered it with a little love and prayer.  Praying for Isabel too, "don't worry about a thing, you know every little thing is gonna be alright!"

What Wall?

And the wall came tumbling down.

You know the huge wall of expenses staring at us 28 months ago.

I can't believe I am writing these words, and I'm absolutely giddy with the joy of it!  We are 100% FULLY funded for our trip to Thailand....let me type that again...We are 100% FULLY funded for our trip to Thailand.

Over the weekend Village to Village (back in 2012 we placed our family profile on their website where tax deductible donations could be made to them for us, and they then pay expenses on our behalf  i.e. our agency, travel agency, etc.--money does not come directly to us.  When we received our referral fee expenses we had been blessed with monies, which they sent into Holt.  I had not looked at our profile since then)  We received a message stating they believed the remainder of the expense money we needed had probably been taken care of...and that we should take a look at our profile to see what happened.  I can't tell you what a shock it was to open it and see that an additional $4000 had been donated, anonymously (whoever you are out there we pray God will pour His blessings out on you until your cup runneth over), to our family.  WOW.  I mean WOW.  God just knows how to blow us away. We will now have the funds to take care of the small loan we took out to cover earlier expenses. And more importantly, this means we have the monies we need to travel, and take the boys (a secret they are still not in on cause we weren't sure about affording the plane tickets) with No questions and No worries.  After months of saving, months of fundraisers, months of paperwork it is COMPLETED!

Not only did God take care of the wall, he got rid of it.  What a testament to the fact that when something is right, and God calls you to it, do not be afraid, He will provide.  What a blessing, no blessings, we would have missed out on if we would have let that wall intimidate us.  To Him be all glory and honor, and praise.

Now...Let's go to Thailand. We are coming Isabel.

Isabel, Birthday Letter Age 2

On November 30, 2013, halfway around the world you turned two years old.  On that day we celebrated that you were happy, healthy, and loved.  Loved by people in Thailand and loved by people in the United States.  We haven't met you yet so it's difficult to write all the characteristics of who you are at this age.  In the updates we know you are a happy, talkative, two year old.  We are so anxious to get to know you better, but know this today you were celebrated and loved.  Can't wait for all the birthdays to come.

Love,
Mom

We sent balloons to Thailand with love.
Just as I was getting all teary eyed, one of them got stuck in a tree just past the house.  Your daddy said,"well that one's not making it to Thailand."  We all started grinning and laughing a little.  It was the perfect moment.  A little sad, a little silly, and a little wishful.  Next year we will celebrate together with more balloons, laughter, and silliness, oh and maybe a cake too.